Let’s dust off this old book, shall we?

12/03/16
Family / Friends / Relationship

A friend told me I should use my website again. I guess that’s what I’m trying to do here.

Each time I resurrect this website I say I’m going to blog more, I’m going to do this or that. I think I’ve learned my lesson that I’m not very good at that. Besides so few people even remember this website exists.

So what I’m going to do, is I’m going to try. I might fail spectacularly at it (like always 😉 ) but at least I’ll try.

Life has thrown so so many curves at me since my last post. I don’t even know where to begin. I’ve made new friends and I’ve lost new friends. I’ve had people walk into my life and then walk out again. I’ve found religion again, and then I’ve questioned it again. But where to start?

Let’s try chronological order. Maybe that will please my brains jumbled messages.

January until April were quite…interesting and quiet at the same time.

Dennis and I went to the Netherlands. Where his mother yet again went crazy. It caused not only a rift between her and I, but one between Dennis and I as well. When we left, I told him that she had until my birthday to show she was actually interested in getting to know me. That if she didn’t, I was going to go no contact with her, and Dennis agreed that he would do the same.

When we got back to the states, nothing really happened until April.

I didn’t want to continue to pay for WoW so Dennis and I decided we would try guild wars again. He quickly quit again, but I found a guild that made staying worth it. I met a few people whom I quickly called friends. We would all stay up late, joke with each other and in general they made me feel welcomed. But every fairy tale has a monster, doesn’t it? The attention and the closeness that I had garnered left the leader feeling like I was “stealing” her men. Even though that wasn’t happening at all, she kicked me from the guild.

I was depressed, I was hurt, and I felt like a fool for thinking I belonged somewhere again. Only to be proven I didn’t, by a random kick for no reason.

I was still enjoying guild wars, so I decided to try my hand at making my own guild.

The people that I had grown close to in the old guild didn’t agree with what happened to me and agreed to help me run it.

In June I had started to fall for the two guys that had helped run the guild with me. Dennis placed a gag order on one, so I tried to quickly desolve any feelings there. Naturally, that didn’t happen because sadly feelings can’t be controlled by logic.

Suffice it to say that I started dating one of them alongside of Dennis (with his approval). Maybe a week or two had gone by and suddenly he needed to find himself. And if he did that with me as his girlfriend I would drag him down. Around this time he got more flirty with a girl in the guild and seemed to spend all his time with her. Alright. Message heard.

The next month and a half was my feelings being dragged along. He was leading me on and I was stupidly falling for it at each pass.

I made friends with the girl he was flirty with. Not because I wanted to be possessive but because I actually really got along with her.

I had actually made such good friends with her that I flew her out to Vegas for a week along with sarah. I had a blast with both of them. And yes, I had paid for their flights, but it was nice to have people come to me. Since we all know, I’m almost always the one going to others.

While Jo and Sarah were out here, guild drama arose. Adam decided that, even though jo had told him nothing would happen between the two of them and that they were just friends, he wasn’t going to stay any longer. He left taking a few people with him, who backed up everything that he had told them, even if not the truth.

That was difficult to deal with, as Adam had been in the guild since I started it.

While jo was out here, Michael and I talked more and more and he asked for another chance. He said he knew now that I was supposed to be apart of his life and that he was sorry. I spent a day and a half, maybe two(?) questioning if this was the right choice. Be young and carefree and be with him, or be logical to the fact that he had pretty much dragged me through the dirt.

My heart won out, and we got back together (again with Dennis’s permission obviously).

Nothing of interest happened until September. Somewhere around Dennis’s birthday his sister texted him yelling at him and then called crying how their mother was in a horrible spot and that she couldn’t believe that he wouldn’t speak to her. He held his ground and told his sister that if his mom wanted them to talk again, she knew how to do that. To reach out to me and show she was genuinely interested in getting to know me.

I figured that would be that. She would be stubborn and refuse to do anything. But, she messaged me. Asking how I was, and she’s continued to message me. So hopefully, that continues to grow, and hopefully I can have an honest relationship with his mother.

Things have been pretty dead since then, up until a couple of days ago. When jo up and left the guild.

This came as a surprise to me and actually pissed me off quite a lot. In August she wanted to take an EMT class that lasted six months. It cost 600$ and her mom didn’t have it. Dennis and I agreed that we would lend her the money. She told me she would pay 50$ every two weeks or 100$ a month.

Dennis and I haven’t seen a penny of what we loaned her, and from what I understand she’s dropped out of the classes.

I’m trying to hold out hope that she didn’t just take our money and leave, but considering she’s left the guild now and barely speaks to me, it’s looking more and more like that’s the case.

Alas, that’s about all for now. I’ll try and post tomorrow explaining more about the michael myself and Dennis thing. Because I know what all of you reading this are probably thinking about it and I’d like to put those thoughts to rest.

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