And we’re off to Never land.. or the Netherlands. Same difference?

12/05/16

While I’m upset about the circumstances, I’m happy that I’ll be going home. The other night at 2:30AM Dennis got a call from his mother. Him, being the ignorant person that he is, ignored the call and went back to sleep. She texted him saying she was in the hospital and that it was urgent to please call her back. He called her back, and she couldn’t talk as she was being taken somewhere.

What I found out the next day was apparently she had suffered from a mini stroke. She said that she’s feeling fine, but they’re not releasing her until Monday. Dennis figured that was that, and just left it. I asked a question that apparently wasn’t even on his mind. “Would you like to go home to be with your mom?”

He didn’t see the point in going home. Him going home wouldn’t make her magically better, it wouldn’t reverse the mini stroke from happening. I guess what he failed to realize is that us humans (aka non robots ;P) have feelings. Over the past year he has gone no contact with his mother for seven months. He’s her baby (youngest) and he lives thousands of miles away and rarely comes home. I told him that even if it wouldn’t “fix” anything it would sure as hell make his family happy to have him home, even if for a short period of time. After debating it (and the plane ticket price) and asking others what their opinions were on it, he finally decided that he was going to go home. Great, lets look up tickets.

He called his boss, and told him what had happened. They told him, don’t worry about it family first, and said that they would pay for his ticket to the Netherlands. Now it was my turn to debate for hours about if I was going to go or not. His mother and I aren’t close at all, as many of you know. If I went, it would mean I would have to find another place to sleep, because I wouldn’t be able to stay at her house. It would mean that we would have to do something with the cat. It meant more money that we didn’t need to spend. Dennis was adamant about me going with him. Telling me that I should, even if I would only get to spend 2 days with him while there. I was torn. Should I be responsible and stay with the cat and not cost us more money, or do I go home? Where I’ve been homesick for a while.

After sleeping on it for a few hours I decided that I was going to go with him.

So, that has been the adventurous update on why I’m suddenly leaving the country.

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Protected: Time to dispel some misconceptions.

12/05/16

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Let’s dust off this old book, shall we?

12/03/16

A friend told me I should use my website again. I guess that’s what I’m trying to do here.

Each time I resurrect this website I say I’m going to blog more, I’m going to do this or that. I think I’ve learned my lesson that I’m not very good at that. Besides so few people even remember this website exists.

So what I’m going to do, is I’m going to try. I might fail spectacularly at it (like always 😉 ) but at least I’ll try.

Life has thrown so so many curves at me since my last post. I don’t even know where to begin. I’ve made new friends and I’ve lost new friends. I’ve had people walk into my life and then walk out again. I’ve found religion again, and then I’ve questioned it again. But where to start?

Let’s try chronological order. Maybe that will please my brains jumbled messages.

January until April were quite…interesting and quiet at the same time.

Dennis and I went to the Netherlands. Where his mother yet again went crazy. It caused not only a rift between her and I, but one between Dennis and I as well. When we left, I told him that she had until my birthday to show she was actually interested in getting to know me. That if she didn’t, I was going to go no contact with her, and Dennis agreed that he would do the same.

When we got back to the states, nothing really happened until April.

I didn’t want to continue to pay for WoW so Dennis and I decided we would try guild wars again. He quickly quit again, but I found a guild that made staying worth it. I met a few people whom I quickly called friends. We would all stay up late, joke with each other and in general they made me feel welcomed. But every fairy tale has a monster, doesn’t it? The attention and the closeness that I had garnered left the leader feeling like I was “stealing” her men. Even though that wasn’t happening at all, she kicked me from the guild.

I was depressed, I was hurt, and I felt like a fool for thinking I belonged somewhere again. Only to be proven I didn’t, by a random kick for no reason.

I was still enjoying guild wars, so I decided to try my hand at making my own guild.

The people that I had grown close to in the old guild didn’t agree with what happened to me and agreed to help me run it.

In June I had started to fall for the two guys that had helped run the guild with me. Dennis placed a gag order on one, so I tried to quickly desolve any feelings there. Naturally, that didn’t happen because sadly feelings can’t be controlled by logic.

Suffice it to say that I started dating one of them alongside of Dennis (with his approval). Maybe a week or two had gone by and suddenly he needed to find himself. And if he did that with me as his girlfriend I would drag him down. Around this time he got more flirty with a girl in the guild and seemed to spend all his time with her. Alright. Message heard.

The next month and a half was my feelings being dragged along. He was leading me on and I was stupidly falling for it at each pass.

I made friends with the girl he was flirty with. Not because I wanted to be possessive but because I actually really got along with her.

I had actually made such good friends with her that I flew her out to Vegas for a week along with sarah. I had a blast with both of them. And yes, I had paid for their flights, but it was nice to have people come to me. Since we all know, I’m almost always the one going to others.

While Jo and Sarah were out here, guild drama arose. Adam decided that, even though jo had told him nothing would happen between the two of them and that they were just friends, he wasn’t going to stay any longer. He left taking a few people with him, who backed up everything that he had told them, even if not the truth.

That was difficult to deal with, as Adam had been in the guild since I started it.

While jo was out here, Michael and I talked more and more and he asked for another chance. He said he knew now that I was supposed to be apart of his life and that he was sorry. I spent a day and a half, maybe two(?) questioning if this was the right choice. Be young and carefree and be with him, or be logical to the fact that he had pretty much dragged me through the dirt.

My heart won out, and we got back together (again with Dennis’s permission obviously).

Nothing of interest happened until September. Somewhere around Dennis’s birthday his sister texted him yelling at him and then called crying how their mother was in a horrible spot and that she couldn’t believe that he wouldn’t speak to her. He held his ground and told his sister that if his mom wanted them to talk again, she knew how to do that. To reach out to me and show she was genuinely interested in getting to know me.

I figured that would be that. She would be stubborn and refuse to do anything. But, she messaged me. Asking how I was, and she’s continued to message me. So hopefully, that continues to grow, and hopefully I can have an honest relationship with his mother.

Things have been pretty dead since then, up until a couple of days ago. When jo up and left the guild.

This came as a surprise to me and actually pissed me off quite a lot. In August she wanted to take an EMT class that lasted six months. It cost 600$ and her mom didn’t have it. Dennis and I agreed that we would lend her the money. She told me she would pay 50$ every two weeks or 100$ a month.

Dennis and I haven’t seen a penny of what we loaned her, and from what I understand she’s dropped out of the classes.

I’m trying to hold out hope that she didn’t just take our money and leave, but considering she’s left the guild now and barely speaks to me, it’s looking more and more like that’s the case.

Alas, that’s about all for now. I’ll try and post tomorrow explaining more about the michael myself and Dennis thing. Because I know what all of you reading this are probably thinking about it and I’d like to put those thoughts to rest.

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Silence is a Lie

01/19/16

There are so many places online that say just because you haven’t talked to someone in X amount of time doesn’t mean that you’re not still friends with those people, or that something has gone wrong. I believe those to be true about half of the time. The other half of the time it’s someone refusing to be upfront with you and hoping to let the friendship die. Hence, silence is a lie.

I had a friend when I was in Morgantown, we were really good friends actually. But when I moved away we grew more and more distant. She said that she just didn’t initiate conversations that much and that she didn’t know what to say. Since she has Autism, I figured that I’d actually believe her, and that it just wasn’t her way to reach out to people.

However as more and more time went on I started getting the feeling that it was much much more than that. That it wasn’t just her not reaching out due to autism, but he not reaching out because she wasn’t interested in being friends at all. About Six months ago I reached out to her, and told her how I was sorry that I had ignored her advice in the past, and that I really valued her as a friend when we were close and how I would like to get back to that point. She read it the same day, yet didn’t reply. I chalked it up to going “I should respond to that” but then forgot it. So, I messaged her again, and asked her to please take the time to send a response. What I got back was that she wasn’t interested in any sort of friendship and feels that we should keep our distance. When I asked if there was any possible way that I could fix this or to make it better, she told me no. So.. fine. It’s her choice to decide who to be friends with.

However, I find it so incredibly rude that as someone (her) who prides themselves on being straightforward and honest, she decided to remain as if we were friends, just never speaking to me. I would have much rather preferred being told “Hey I’m really not interested in being your friend anymore” or even just removing me from facebook. She then stated that when Dennis and I were at her house that I did many things that pissed her off, or upset her. Yet, instead of speaking to me about these things, she just let them boil up and she kept them to herself. There is no way I can ever know I’ve done something to piss someone off unless they tell me that I’ve done so. I, nor anyone else in the world, am not a mind reader.

Sadly, all of this happened while I was at an event, so my mood plummeted. I had even debated cancelling going to my friend’s baby shower at that point. Simply because I had lost someone that I once considered a really close friend.

I ended up going to the baby shower though, and had a lot of fun. It was a shame that Dennis and I couldn’t stay there longer, but I’m glad that we got to see them, and her progression in being pregnant. Though we had terrible planning on the whole thing. We ended up getting the baby shower gifts like 20 minutes before we got to the shower, and didn’t have time to wrap them or anything. Both of us were a bit mad at each other for our poor planning :/

Alas, I have two weeks free of not having to drive crazy distances, or really leave the house if I don’t want to xD. February 2nd we leave for the Netherlands, we’re spending 3 weeks there, and I’m really looking forward to it.

I hope to start blogging every day, but I’m not sure if that’s possible for me or not =3 We shall see.

Oh yeah, new layout 😀

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